Reflections of a Healing Mother

Today my oldest son is 18 years old, and I longed to be stricken by fear. Then I reflect on all of the chains being broken here. My home is a safe space for healing.

18 years went by so quickly!

Today my oldest is 18, and I cannot believe how quickly time has passed. He is a wonderful young man, and in him I see similar questions that occupy his mind and behaviors. We learned of neurodivergent traits in myself and my sons (my toddler is not yet two years old, and we will let her be for now). There are so many levels to a spectrum and to the amount of justifiable behavioral mistakes that I can link to ADD, ADHD, any Autism Spectrum Disorder, any unresolved, unaddressed, or unhealed trauma… and so on.

I spent years allowing my choices to define me, and I see a similar battle that takes place within my son. Nowadays, I allow my past to lead me further into growth, and oh my there are many steps to growth and healing. My only prayer and my initial mission outside of becoming and staying my best self is to give my children the tools to succeed. I don’t want to give them a familiarly dismissive energy towards things that were harmful to them, and I won’t place the burden of cultural or societal definitions of trauma on them, as to me these things can teach children that what has hurt them isn’t “really trauma.”

I have started (and not finished) many anger led conversations about generational divides, which spilled over into my social media content for a while. It took several conversations with God and a lot of follow through on my end to choose to mend things within myself.

It took us time and lots of transitions after returning to North Carolina in February of 2021. I can see and feel and share that my household consists of a safe space for emotions and the practice of emotion regulation. We discuss difficult topics (past and present), when we have the capacity. When my youngest son comes to visit us, there is no longer this heavy atmosphere of heavy guilt for having my children in different locations; I take things as they are and I make the best of it. I have had to put myself aside, remain accountable, plan ahead, and keep working towards my goals.

Today my oldest son is 18 years old, and we are working on securing a job at the shopping center that is just through a couple of cute neighborhoods, so if he had to he can walk there (he is not ready/confident/wanting to drive yet). The future is bright for my children.

Goals aplenty, but first:

When I look back at my goals, which have always consisted of writing and teaching, I can identify years in which I was still not ready. Here it is the end of 2023 and I have redefined my perception of myself and my capabilities. It took a lot to reach this point and I want to transfer this part to my children.

I shared before in many blog posts that a list of things had to go. In my home, we address the root of the tough stuff, and we keep pushing forward. I am showing my children things that I did not care to absorb when I was 18 or even 13. And it’s actually making a difference. I aim to reverse certain narratives for my children. I own and live in my truth, and that is not always a preferential thing, especially from someone who for a long time was mentioned by her actions or her incorrect/correct diagnoses and failed relationships. My testimony holds power, and it continues to lead me to my destiny.