Jusjess Poetry

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Why should parents ever apologize to their kids? They grow up and they get over it. Right?!?

I don’t think it works that way. We all know that the makings of a person and their personality, their values and their morals… start in the home and that the best of leaders lead by example. Right?!

Generational divides seem to be a trending topic, and one thing that I have noticed is that some folks view apologies to kids as a type of insult to their character. But let’s face it: It’s okay to apologize to kids, and sometimes it’s necessary.

In my home, the feelings and the voices of my children matter. Their emotional security and my ability to reiterate emotional intelligence is critical, but most importantly I must consistently lead by example. It’s no longer about me and this failed relationship and that failed relationship. It’s no longer about me. And that is where I’m at.

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Reflections of a Healing Mother

As I reflect on my own actions that have negatively impacted my children, I know that I am fueled by my strong desire not to continue passing down trauma. I think that it’s important to not only own our mistakes, but we should learn how to reiterate healthy communication. I was a mother before I was an adult, and if I pretend like I have had this motherhood thing down since day one, well then I am a hypocrite. But just as I can state the ladder, I remain transparent with my kids (mindfully). I need them to see a few things for themselves, and it started by stepping outside of myself in order to fully show up for them, and I am no longer afraid to admit that.

Failed attempts at maintaining successful and healthy relationships and home dynamics showed me that I was doing the very same thing to my children that I aimed not to do. I went to college, joined the military, and tried to branch out as much as I possibly could to experience the world. None of these things would address what I had frequently tried to run away from. Or what I was reiterating.

Apologies and Conversations Help Kids Feel Safe.

We have to heal the root.

There’s something about those moments of epiphany that are inescapable when you can’t ignore your conscience or intuition, even when you want to. 

I dive deep into topics across various platforms, and during the beginning stages of my healing journey, it looked all jacked up. There were moments when I wasn’t sure if I could continue trying to do the right thing, moments of questioning why I wanted to heal, and then there was the stage of wanting others to see and acknowledge my healing. 

But once I get off of that train wreck of a thought process, I simply think about my children. Many aspects of my childhood and my conceptions of love did impact me as an adult. However, I owe it to my children to be accountable and honest along my journey. The funny thing is that now I long to be just that.

Along the way, I frequently found myself a little bit upset with others who can’t seem to be accountable for their role in things that impacted myself or my children, but I have to release that, too. I also have to release searching for reciprocity, understanding, acceptance, and validation. This is a must. I must focus.

and continue to choose not to carry any angry or bitter narratives. I owe each of my three children a separate apology.

Waiting for other people to own their shit is exhausting. And so is explaining and over explaining why I feel that they should. What’s worse is if I put my life and my kids’ lives on hold waiting and hoping for the growth of others.

I Must Always Stand On This

In my home, whether that is in North Carolina or not, the feelings and the voices of my children matter. Their emotional security and my ability to reiterate emotional intelligence is critical, but most importantly I must consistently lead by example. It’s no longer about me and this failed relationship and that failed relationship. It’s no longer about me. And that is where I’m at.

These types of affirmations to self help me tremendously. I hope that they help others, too.

Affirmations for the Healing Mother

• I extend grace to myself through my journey of healing.
• I extend grace to myself through my journey of healing.
• I am overcoming obstacles and challenges with patience.
• I forgive myself, and I am hopeful about the future.

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Read relevant posts:

An ode to motherhood

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And let’s not forget that raising these cute little babies to not only thrive in such a world but to (hopefully) choose to be decent human beings… Well to me, this task brings “freak-out” moments! Check out my post on just that!

Indescribable – Scary Assignment

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