They say that healing often comes with the desire to be validated for personal progress and that it is one big slippery slope that requires mindfulness.  But who has time to sit with self, to look within self? Who really sits still in present moments? From what I often see, everyone is in a mad dash. In the grocery stores people are huffing and puffing because a mom has a toddler and the need to multitask and while she may have not needed to go into the self checkout line, she has a right to move at a pace that works for her. Right? The freeways are like racetracks now, everyone doing the most at the highest speed possible just to get right in front of you. We all want to get somewhere fast, it seems. 

Oh and by the way, I have yet to “master” mindfulness meditation and the goals of that technique.  I am simply trying to beat writer’s block and a memory block and emotional breakdowns while trying to get my monthly budget together and keep track of my big, detailed, color-coded wall calendar in the hallway.

So needless to say, in such a fast paced world, seeing a woman laying on her patio gazing up at the sky or listening to music while jotting down random thoughts… that’s odd, right? And how dare she blow bubbles with her little toddler and do silly dances because she can care less who’s watching!

Healing is hard. I have never set out on a more daunting, confusing, uncomfortable journey, and it seems endless. But now that I am at this current stage (don’t ask me to name the stage or the percentage of healing that I have completed), it is impossible to go backwards. I mean, it’s pretty damn dumb, too. 

My lens seems more focused now, but I find that I have added curiosity about the world and its many opportunities that require me to be fully present. Not the risky kind of curiosity that led me nowhere fast but the kind that intrigues my humanitarian nature. When that nature lacks focus or boundaries, it leads to chaos. But when it is centered and focused, well… hot damn.

(To be continued)