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Tag: mindfulness

Poem “Resolution” – and an update of sorts

I affirm that I am on the path to reach my goals. My goals as a writer couldn’t be obtained until I obtained stability. I have shared a ton of personal things about my life here on this blog, and if you’ve been following then you may have seen not only an improvement in my writing skill, but in my ability to go beyond the tone that my blog initially displayed. The appearance and professional accents of my blog stand out a tad more now as well.

I have a poem that I enjoyed writing recently, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do with it outside of posting onto my personal social media. Because my blog is home to me, it will be shared here first. As I continue my self publishing journey I’m sure that it will be seen again. Very soon. Thank you for viewing.

Here is “Resolution.”

I also realize that I don’t often share information about my latest poetry collection. But now that I know a little more about blogging and settings and links, here is a link to The Girl is Awake on Amazon.

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“All Fairytales Have That One Thing in Common”

Please enjoy this poem and the short video that accompanies it.

Potential & a Past
Penetration & a Promise
Pillowtalk
&
Stimulation

Singing familiar songs
Off key, but professing a history of musical training

Complaining.
Nit-picking
The cluster B
Personality

Read me
Tell me a story,
But today, add a little more spice.

Fascinating.

Discovering that fairy tales give false hope
To lost little girls.
Oh, fuck.
Wait, you want to do what?
RIGHT NOW?

Umm, okay.
Take me away.

Soaring high across the sky
I’m a bird I’m a butterfly.
Damn it. I’m a moth
I’m a maggot I’m a
Fool
For fantasy.
Sure, go ahead.
Lie to me some more.

But:
Do you remember which part you stopped at last time?

Yeah, that part. It was getting good.

Thank you for viewing! I have also made some major improvements to my blog, please consider taking a brief browse. I will be steadily improving it!

https://jusjesspoetry.org
https://jusjesspoetry.org
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On the note of what to leave behind:

What is the legacy you want to leave behind?

On the note of what to leave behind

As I run in circles through my mind

I know that I have left a footprint or two

But how the marks are interpreted will be up to you.

For my children I could save some cash

But without passing on financial literacy, how long would it last?

I can imprint in their minds a strong, superhuman mother

But that would be an illusion

As there have been times when I was driven by pain and delusion.

So here I am at 35 trying to stay well –

I want to stay alive.

And for the rest of my days 

I will be sure that I leave behind

A legacy of craftsmanship, notes of expression, even the frowned upon kind.

And I will show that it is possible to

Step out of a tumultuous state of mind

No matter if it is self inflicted,

Stuck for years or even the

Neurospicy kind.

I desire to leave behind

Happy memories

That far outweigh

The pounds of despair

On any bad day

I have laid out so much of myself,

Continued growth is the only option left.

I want my legacy to be as appreciated as 

Millions of dollars that carry families through generations

I want to capture the warmth

The pride the very indescribable

Sentiments that make people want to thrive.

That is how we keep faith and hope alive.

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Sharing a brief walk down memory lane in a poem, a few pictures, and a spoken word video

“Maybe”

Maybe my lack of satisfaction has nothing to do with a diagnosis

Because maybe, possibly, it could be true

That there’s just something greater that I’m meant to do.

Twirling and attempting to manipulate mood rings as a child,

Never backing down from a fight,

Learning that women can have autonomy even if the head of their household doesn’t belief in such things –

That a woman can be her own head of household instead of clipping her wings –

Some limitations we place on ourselves,

Dust collecting on passions 

That will only become trophies if we make it so

Some things we must do ourselves.

I want to share some pictures and videos that speak louder than the lines shared above do. Thank you for viewing.

I attended this college in undergrad before choosing to go off into the military. My days as a student here were so meaningful that I returned as an adult before I began giving in to my nomad tendencies (again).
I visited the University of North Carolina School of the Arts many times to accompany my late paternal grandfather to complete tasks at his job on this campus.
I entitled this spoken word video “Freedom”
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“Rank these in their order of importance to you…”

I like walking in the woods. I like walking along trails. I like being near any body of water that I possibly can. I like exploring new places and taking spontaneous road trips. I like women. More than I like men.

Resiliency, spiritual journey, confusion, anger, and pain. 90% of it self inflicted. Finding self. Loving self? I’m almost there, but definitely more than I did this time last year. Or the year before that. Or the year before that.

Fun fact: it is not fun cutting off toxic people. Rejection sensitivity, chronic over thinking, and then seemingly searching for your place now that you are a “new you,” is intense. 

Even more fucked up fact: sometimes birds of a feather do flock together. Sometimes you are the company you keep. And sometimes misery loves company. Cliche? Yeah. But true.

I was toxic as hell because I chose to only operate out of trauma. I was a manipulator. A liar. A drug user. A firecracker. A shape shifter. A mask wearer. Probably even a sex addict. I was lost. I was hurt. I was negative and very pessimistic about life in general.

My last relationship was no healthier than the one before that. And the one before that. And the one before that.

No more blame game truthfully I learned first hand the spectrum of cluster B personality disorders and how entangled they can become. Empath vs Narcissist, Borderline Personality Disorder vs Narcissist Personality Disorder. Male, female, non-binary, transgender. No matter who is who and who is “what,” it comes down to a choice of wanting better.

But in keeping up gratitude, I must be thankful for the lessons learned in every choice that I have made. The good ones. The horrible ones. The fun ones. The rewarding ones. The dumb ones. And the wonderful ones to come.

I made this cute little graphic after my appointment with an occupational therapist. Well to be honest, I made it while “attending” the 30 minute virtual appointment. I’m a work in progress.

Thank you for reading this reflection.

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The Other Side

I have faith that on the other side of trauma and healing, on the other side of painful and in depth growth, there is a form of Heaven on Earth. That we don’t go through all of the uncomfortable stages in this lifetime just to await the gates of Heaven above. And while that is the most amazing destination, I feel that we all deserve peace and to enjoy our time here. And with that said, I am ready to ensure that I do just that.
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Intentional

The top video shows imagery with effects and the words to the poem “Intentional,” which can also be found below. The second video I just wanted to share as it was a beautiful cloud gazing day form my patio yesterday.

Thank you for viewing this blog post. Admittedly I have been a bit “scatterbrained” lately, but I am working hard to narrow my focus as it pertains to my daily functioning.

I have thoroughly enjoyed reading the works and posts of so many wonderful people. It is my intention to get back into browsing the blogs and amazing works of art and poetry and inspiration that have helped me keep my love for writing alive.

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Easter inspired piece – Please enjoy.

Press play on the video below.

Easter inspired piece with a heavy emphasis on gratitude and healing.

This morning I woke up a bit out of sorts and a little trapped in my head, which is a frequent occurrence for me. A combination of sunlight, coping skills, a church sermon, nature, and of course my purpose as a mother and my gratitude for life inspired this piece.

Thank you for viewing.

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