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Tag: mental health matters

“But – it wears off, don’t it?”

I’m getting better at the blogging lifestyle and letting vulnerability coax me away from fear.

I am stubborn when it hurts me most.

If pride is the devil then he surely taunts my humility.

But I don’t always know the difference between confidence and arrogance

So I tend to filter myself a bit – I guess I, too wear a mask

I don’t know whose lens I am seen through, and if perception of self is most pivotal – well then.

Shape shifting and blending in I felt once protected me.

But now I see the internal aftermath.

*** For those who enjoy my posts: thank you. I really enjoy the different voices and talents that I read and interact with here. I have made many strides and improvements to my blog, please do consider checking it out. Many of you have been consistent with this for years and it’s just very refreshing to receive inspiration and feedback. I value this community and it keeps a fire lit in my spirit.

If you would like to connect across platforms, please see my links below.

I am embracing consistency, flirting with self love, and allowing clarity to rebirth truths only necessary for my growth. God is good.

I would like to share a few previous blog posts:

“Do you have the time? I’m late but I’m here.”

https://jusjesspoetry.org/2023/05/09/do-you-have-the-time-im-late-but-im-here-1/

“Sharing a brief walk down memory lane- in a poem, a few pictures, and a spoken word video”

https://jusjesspoetry.org/2023/05/13/sharing-a-brief-walk-down-memory-lane-in-a-poem-a-few-pictures-and-a-spoken-word-video/

As always, thank you for viewing.

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“Rank these in their order of importance to you…”

I like walking in the woods. I like walking along trails. I like being near any body of water that I possibly can. I like exploring new places and taking spontaneous road trips. I like women. More than I like men.

Resiliency, spiritual journey, confusion, anger, and pain. 90% of it self inflicted. Finding self. Loving self? I’m almost there, but definitely more than I did this time last year. Or the year before that. Or the year before that.

Fun fact: it is not fun cutting off toxic people. Rejection sensitivity, chronic over thinking, and then seemingly searching for your place now that you are a “new you,” is intense. 

Even more fucked up fact: sometimes birds of a feather do flock together. Sometimes you are the company you keep. And sometimes misery loves company. Cliche? Yeah. But true.

I was toxic as hell because I chose to only operate out of trauma. I was a manipulator. A liar. A drug user. A firecracker. A shape shifter. A mask wearer. Probably even a sex addict. I was lost. I was hurt. I was negative and very pessimistic about life in general.

My last relationship was no healthier than the one before that. And the one before that. And the one before that.

No more blame game truthfully I learned first hand the spectrum of cluster B personality disorders and how entangled they can become. Empath vs Narcissist, Borderline Personality Disorder vs Narcissist Personality Disorder. Male, female, non-binary, transgender. No matter who is who and who is “what,” it comes down to a choice of wanting better.

But in keeping up gratitude, I must be thankful for the lessons learned in every choice that I have made. The good ones. The horrible ones. The fun ones. The rewarding ones. The dumb ones. And the wonderful ones to come.

I made this cute little graphic after my appointment with an occupational therapist. Well to be honest, I made it while “attending” the 30 minute virtual appointment. I’m a work in progress.

Thank you for reading this reflection.

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Mental Health Awareness Month

Many of us joke around with terms like “adhd,” “bipolar,” and “schizo” when things or people seem unusual. I use my complex diagnoses with funny videos and some poetry to spread awareness and try to normalize that many of us struggle with some type of something when it comes to mental health. No matter what that may be: self care, therapy, medications, support… whatever works for you is what you have to stick to. It’s a slippery slope and a long way down when we don’t take care of ourselves. It’s a tough world out here, take care of you! Be kind! Keep going!

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Intentional

The top video shows imagery with effects and the words to the poem “Intentional,” which can also be found below. The second video I just wanted to share as it was a beautiful cloud gazing day form my patio yesterday.

Thank you for viewing this blog post. Admittedly I have been a bit “scatterbrained” lately, but I am working hard to narrow my focus as it pertains to my daily functioning.

I have thoroughly enjoyed reading the works and posts of so many wonderful people. It is my intention to get back into browsing the blogs and amazing works of art and poetry and inspiration that have helped me keep my love for writing alive.

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Constant ♾️

Consistent as the sky is a permanent hue,

Constantly searching for something to do.

Consistent in spontaneity,

Constantly seeking metamorphosis,

Consistent in confusion,

Constantly seeking bliss.

Consistent in twiddling thumbs,

Constantly on the run,

Consistent in switching roles,

Constantly rotating short-lived titles, that was fun.

Consistent candid critiques of self,

Constantly chipping away ‘til nothing is left.

Constant need to replenish.

♾️

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Evaporate

If you stare in the mirror too long, does your reflection seem to change?

Your mirror, my mirror
No filter.
The imperfections are pretty clear.

Tell me, what reflections do you pick up and carry home with you?

Reflecting fragments of self,
Glimmers of others,
Carrying their shit, your shit,
The world’s shit on your face.

If you stay too entranced in the reflection of someone else,
Yours may not look too good to you.

Sometimes we wanna
Switch mirrors
Even if only for a second.

We try to transfer this and transfer that,
Deflect
Neglect
Reject.

Imperfect.
I’m perfect.
Shatter.

Shape shifting to meet
The demands of others,
You sit home alone long enough
You’ll see a blemish form.
Maybe a spot here,
A pimple there,
A very shiny gray hair.
Mirror mirror on the wall,
Who the fuck is this
Staring back at me?

She’s –
Actually
Very pretty.

Clean the glass,
Wipe that mirror,

Shower runs,
Don’t worry the condensation will evaporate.

Put on that face.
Which face?
The one that they like?
Nah – just take a second,
Breathe,
And look up.

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