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Tag: love

Poem “Resolution” – and an update of sorts

I affirm that I am on the path to reach my goals. My goals as a writer couldn’t be obtained until I obtained stability. I have shared a ton of personal things about my life here on this blog, and if you’ve been following then you may have seen not only an improvement in my writing skill, but in my ability to go beyond the tone that my blog initially displayed. The appearance and professional accents of my blog stand out a tad more now as well.

I have a poem that I enjoyed writing recently, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do with it outside of posting onto my personal social media. Because my blog is home to me, it will be shared here first. As I continue my self publishing journey I’m sure that it will be seen again. Very soon. Thank you for viewing.

Here is “Resolution.”

I also realize that I don’t often share information about my latest poetry collection. But now that I know a little more about blogging and settings and links, here is a link to The Girl is Awake on Amazon.

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On the note of what to leave behind:

What is the legacy you want to leave behind?

On the note of what to leave behind

As I run in circles through my mind

I know that I have left a footprint or two

But how the marks are interpreted will be up to you.

For my children I could save some cash

But without passing on financial literacy, how long would it last?

I can imprint in their minds a strong, superhuman mother

But that would be an illusion

As there have been times when I was driven by pain and delusion.

So here I am at 35 trying to stay well –

I want to stay alive.

And for the rest of my days 

I will be sure that I leave behind

A legacy of craftsmanship, notes of expression, even the frowned upon kind.

And I will show that it is possible to

Step out of a tumultuous state of mind

No matter if it is self inflicted,

Stuck for years or even the

Neurospicy kind.

I desire to leave behind

Happy memories

That far outweigh

The pounds of despair

On any bad day

I have laid out so much of myself,

Continued growth is the only option left.

I want my legacy to be as appreciated as 

Millions of dollars that carry families through generations

I want to capture the warmth

The pride the very indescribable

Sentiments that make people want to thrive.

That is how we keep faith and hope alive.

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The Other Side

I have faith that on the other side of trauma and healing, on the other side of painful and in depth growth, there is a form of Heaven on Earth. That we don’t go through all of the uncomfortable stages in this lifetime just to await the gates of Heaven above. And while that is the most amazing destination, I feel that we all deserve peace and to enjoy our time here. And with that said, I am ready to ensure that I do just that.
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This is…

This is the part when I enjoy my life,

It seems as if a coin was flipped.

This is the part when I take over the script.

The moment that my narrative is not 

In the hands of anyone else,

Not filled with proclamations 

To narcissism,

No longer defined by any

Definition synonymous 

To unwell. 

No longer bound to my bullsh*t

Cuz ya know, enough is enough.

This is.. well it WAS kinda tough. 

This is the part where the dust has settled 

And it’ll only blind me again 

If I allow it to.

The part where my happiness is 

Depicted by me,

No longer depreciated by any form of “you’s”

The part where I blossom again

The part where I fill joy being 

Within my skin. 

This is….

Visual/audio of “This is..” below

“This is..”
***audio recording & visual effects made using the app CapCut

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Constant ♾️

Consistent as the sky is a permanent hue,

Constantly searching for something to do.

Consistent in spontaneity,

Constantly seeking metamorphosis,

Consistent in confusion,

Constantly seeking bliss.

Consistent in twiddling thumbs,

Constantly on the run,

Consistent in switching roles,

Constantly rotating short-lived titles, that was fun.

Consistent candid critiques of self,

Constantly chipping away ‘til nothing is left.

Constant need to replenish.

♾️

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Show yourself, Grace

Aren’t we but a series of voices

Relaying messages forward from different lifetimes?

Am I not of my late great-grandmother,

Who bought me a journal

Just after a series of troubled teenage years?

She said: 

“Whatever you do, don’t stop writing.”

What did she see in me?

Was it not the very same thing that I saw in her eyes 

As tears formed when she touched my womb

Which carried my unborn daughter?

If I could press record and keep track 

Of the private moments and memories,

The conversations,

Wouldn’t that be a clever life cheat code?

Because pictures and footage of gatherings

And functions are awesome,

But WHY didn’t I capture those 

Moments and

Memories and

Conversations

That many wouldn’t believe

If I stood before them now

And attempted to summarize

The depths of those 

Moments and

Memories and

Conversations?

I open my mouth to attempt 

Such a task but what comes out 

Is gibberish,

Talking in circles,

Unable to verbally 

Use my favorite tool,

Words.

Unable to tap in

And reach through,

For she said whatever you do

Don’t stop writing.

My dear late cousin told me 

To never stop fighting.

Gosh, why can’t I say these things

When given the chance?

Instead I become flabbergasted

At the slightest glance

But if only they knew

The depths of what is inside –

It isn’t that crazy,

It isn’t intoxication,

It ain’t that hazy.

It is deep and spiritual

And I wanted to run,

But the purpose of greatness

Had already begun

I say to people all the time:

“Show yourself grace.”

Sure, it is true that 

My mind moves at a pace

Faster that my body can maintain

But listen:

All it takes is a moment to slow down,

Have a talk or several with God,

Pick myself up,

No need to stay down.

And I think deeply of how those who

Came before me,

Saw something inside 

Although I longed to destroy me.

I pray, meditate,

Take a walk, or eight.

I wash my face,

I slow my pace,

And after that talk, 

I whisper,

“Show yourself, Grace.”

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Day 1 of digging deeper

“If I could, I would like to reach out and touch the world with my writing. I have many projects that I plan to unleash and I am excited about sharing the creative thoughts that flow through my fingers.”

I was onto something. I mean, I was really really onto something. I published this project in April of 2012.

“A small collection of poems and thoughts from the perceptions of love, pain, abuse, and healing. This collection serves as an introduction to J. D. and her unique perceptions of life.”

***This is from the reflections and excerpts page of my blog. This page will feature regularly posted reflections and excerpts from my self published projects.

Check it out and stay tuned.

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Trail Walk Whispers

Which version of the vision do I want to believe?

Which one is too much, too big of a task for me?

The growth has become uncomfortable,

It’s inconvenient.

The dreams are intensifying,

There is no more denying

No comfort zone left to hide in.

Interesting how the former people pleaser

No longer finds her self-worth and value through-

Wait, wow. 

I see what You did there.

God, You do have a sense of humor,

And comic relief is needed along the journey. 

There are days in which the blazing sun 

Keeps me balanced,

When endless, anxious pacing becomes trail walking

Feeling the wind whisper to me.

Those days those dreams those moments those confirmations

They outweigh the depths of the lows 

In which I spent questioning myself.

Granted sometimes I wake up with the best of intentions,

And I pray and meditate and find that things still go array in sync 

For me to crumble to pieces, 

I see that a little less of me breaks off, 

A little more of me puts helpful skills in place,

A lot more of me loves that radiant face

That stares back in the mirror.

What’s more?

I am pouring the importance of self love into my daughter,

And this and much more critical lessons into my sons.

Never did I ever feel so good 

About where I am in life,

Even if I was knocking on the door of self defeat

Just hours prior to such a frequent revelation of gratitude.

I want to live

And show my children 

That no matter what you face in this world,

No matter what tries to stop you 

From one of the most innate achievements of life,

Happiness,

It is a choice, as are many things.

Even when I was in the lowest places of my life,

Whether that place was:

Locked in a bathroom,

In a parking lot,

In a hospital,

Lost in my identity,

Lost in my head.

They will see my resilience. 

They will see that I stepped out of me,

And I anticipate answering those difficult questions.

They deserve that, 

I had no clue how to maintain a stable, healthy life but somewhere down the line, 

You either do it, or you don’t. 

You embrace change and growth, or you don’t.

You listen to the plan, you take that pain and you turn it into purpose, or you could so easily become lost in it.

Trail walking, whispering, talking to God.

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