Always an attention seeker,

Always a gambler, a risk taker,

It took more of a 

Subtle scenario of self-assured serenity

Savagely seeking sympathy

Yet expecting satirical smirks

She could only erupt from her corrupt mindset

After ambiguity became matter of fact that: 

She was falling apart.

She could only reach for the sun

Alone for

She, too, depleted everyone,

Tip-toeing through troubling terrain

Her narrative doesn’t read clear!

What was fact and what was fiction?

Metaphorical benedictions

Such a stubborn sassy and suspicious being,

She had simply had enough.


If you stare in the mirror too long, does your reflection seem to change?

Your mirror, my mirror
No filter.
The imperfections are pretty clear.

Tell me, what reflections do you pick up and carry home with you?

Reflecting fragments of self,
Glimmers of others,
Carrying their shit, your shit,
The world’s shit on your face.

If you stay too entranced in the reflection of someone else,
Yours may not look too good to you.

Sometimes we wanna
Switch mirrors
Even if only for a second.

We try to transfer this and transfer that,

I’m perfect.

Shape shifting to meet
The demands of others,
You sit home alone long enough
You’ll see a blemish form.
Maybe a spot here,
A pimple there,
A very shiny gray hair.
Mirror mirror on the wall,
Who the fuck is this
Staring back at me?

She’s –
Very pretty.

Clean the glass,
Wipe that mirror,

Shower runs,
Don’t worry the condensation will evaporate.

Put on that face.
Which face?
The one that they like?
Nah – just take a second,
And look up.

“Collateral Damage” and “An Ode to the Narcissist“

“An Ode to the Narcissist”

Oh narcissist,

I hate you because I cannot hate you.

No contact I retract 

For  it’s true-

I’m kinda like a reflection of you.

Narcissist walk 

Narcissist talk

The mask, 

When is it on again?

Because maybe just maybe

The empathy in me,

Very childlike,

Maybe what I see in you is familiar.

Cluster B personality


Cliche, my love has no borders

What is a boundary 

To a mind that bends at the will of others?

Raised by,

Loved by.

I chase –


What a way you have with words

And your ability to paint a picture.

Damn I wish I was that good.

I pull out a scale –

Perhaps I can measure 

Which battles to pick and choose.

For if I am an empath

And you are you,

If I be BPD 

And you – be you

Then what else can I do?

Spoken word video – “Resiliency”

“Resiliency” ✨

I get it . 

You want to control 

You want to stifle me but see-

My resiliency.

From the time I was a child you, in various forms, tried to hold me mold me choke me 

Silence what’s  inside 

But see.. 

The thing about resiliency..

I may have stumbled I may have fallen 

Short of expectations 

I might’ve wished that I had a level of deeper understanding 

I might have been lost and not quite known myself 

I might have slipped 

I might have relapsed into the addictions 

Of that stimulated mind 

The narcotic type turmoil of the narc mind

The result of emotionally immature parents 

Growing up in a family full of secrets 

For even though he touched me still today I keep it

But you see.. the thing.. about… resiliency…

My mistakes did seem to follow me the form of patterns

To accept love in forms that I didn’t have to choose

When it’s easy to revert into a traumatic child like mind

When it is all too easy 

To return to survival mode

And 16 years later will I make my three kids do the same?

All because I’m seeking a validation that can’t be claimed

From any source only that which is within?

I messed up again.. and again…

But see.. 


Seeing through a mentally stable and sober mind

Knowing that I am deserving

And only I continue to block my path to success 

These words that beat as my heart pounds through my chest

See I am that spirit

I may get knocked down but I won’t stay down.



Day 1 of digging deeper

“If I could, I would like to reach out and touch the world with my writing. I have many projects that I plan to unleash and I am excited about sharing the creative thoughts that flow through my fingers.”

I was onto something. I mean, I was really really onto something. I published this project in April of 2012.

“A small collection of poems and thoughts from the perceptions of love, pain, abuse, and healing. This collection serves as an introduction to J. D. and her unique perceptions of life.”

***This is from the reflections and excerpts page of my blog. This page will feature regularly posted reflections and excerpts from my self published projects.

Check it out and stay tuned.


At times I feel like a mirror
Mirroring the actions of others
Others seem to not give a f**k what they say
Say you love me
Me Who is me Who are you
You seem confused
Confused dazed and amazed
A maze of mystery and bulls**t

Bulls**t was a fun card game cuz I lie
Lies living in fantasy the spreading of thighs

Thigh highs were a thing are they still cool now
Nowadays society is trippin

Tripping slipping trying to figure this stuff out
Out of the way to avoid the truth
Truth is none of us have it all figured out


I’m out here b*tchin about the struggles of mediocre living but also made it out of nothing so to speak.

Complaining makes me feel weak,
And so I reflect daily, knowing simplistic ways of being are just fine with me.

Trail Walk Whispers

Which version of the vision do I want to believe?

Which one is too much, too big of a task for me?

The growth has become uncomfortable,

It’s inconvenient.

The dreams are intensifying,

There is no more denying

No comfort zone left to hide in.

Interesting how the former people pleaser

No longer finds her self-worth and value through-

Wait, wow. 

I see what You did there.

God, You do have a sense of humor,

And comic relief is needed along the journey. 

There are days in which the blazing sun 

Keeps me balanced,

When endless, anxious pacing becomes trail walking

Feeling the wind whisper to me.

Those days those dreams those moments those confirmations

They outweigh the depths of the lows 

In which I spent questioning myself.

Granted sometimes I wake up with the best of intentions,

And I pray and meditate and find that things still go array in sync 

For me to crumble to pieces, 

I see that a little less of me breaks off, 

A little more of me puts helpful skills in place,

A lot more of me loves that radiant face

That stares back in the mirror.

What’s more?

I am pouring the importance of self love into my daughter,

And this and much more critical lessons into my sons.

Never did I ever feel so good 

About where I am in life,

Even if I was knocking on the door of self defeat

Just hours prior to such a frequent revelation of gratitude.

I want to live

And show my children 

That no matter what you face in this world,

No matter what tries to stop you 

From one of the most innate achievements of life,


It is a choice, as are many things.

Even when I was in the lowest places of my life,

Whether that place was:

Locked in a bathroom,

In a parking lot,

In a hospital,

Lost in my identity,

Lost in my head.

They will see my resilience. 

They will see that I stepped out of me,

And I anticipate answering those difficult questions.

They deserve that, 

I had no clue how to maintain a stable, healthy life but somewhere down the line, 

You either do it, or you don’t. 

You embrace change and growth, or you don’t.

You listen to the plan, you take that pain and you turn it into purpose, or you could so easily become lost in it.

Trail walking, whispering, talking to God.

What Would it Mean to Touch the Sun?

What would it mean to touch the sun?

Silly me and my vivid dreams.

Create the life you desire.

Don’t get too close to the fire.

Create the safe haven you have always been seeking.

Silly girl, you won’t find it in other people.

Safety net

Safe place




Guilt trip.


Revealing the ugly sides of self, too.

Silly girl, healing doesn’t guarantee that anyone will understand you.

Internal growth isn’t for show or acceptance

It’s for peace

Self love,

Connection with God above.

What would it mean to touch the sun?

Would I combust into pieces

And then dissipate into nothingness?

Wouldn’t that sting at first

But then lead to eternal bliss?

Is the sun the gateway to freedom?

I don’t want to open one more door

That could lead to disappointment

But what enjoyment comes

From living a life in solitude?

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