Sometimes I feel that people choose not to heal because they reach a point where they see no purpose in doing so . Although being trauma bound and stuck in victim mentality can be tricky to escape from, it is more difficult to consistently step out of it.
Starting a healing journey will not lead to the arrest of your childhood abusers. It does not make toxic people in your life see the light. It does not guarantee any apologies. It does not make family look back and go, “Hmm. That’s why he or she is that way.”
Unless you’re a notable member of society with high status and a wonderful reputation or a ton of money, many people of society don’t care what happened to you. Many people do care, but it’s quite often not the people you’d like to care most. And there are times when those we want to care actually do care, but they may feel powerless as to how to address the taboo topic. They also may be simply trying to keep themselves balanced and may not have the capacity.
And that’s okay. That’s why we create safe places for ourselves. I have been in therapy for over 10 years. And while I often long to shout things from mountaintops in hopes that my recurring nightmares dissipate, I would much rather be driven by the dreams that I enjoy. The dreams that are leading me to my destiny. My soul’s purpose. Besides, I have a fear of heights.
Some secrets pass away with us. And while I was so close to something by sharing my own secrets, I now realize that I don’t have to. I just needed to forgive myself for my own role in my suffering. And let go.
I got to this point of acceptance: that even though my feelings are valid, it holds no true value to my growth to make a long list of who done what when and why, nor is it acceptable to use that list as an excuse for all the wrong that I have done to others and myself.
The only thing standing in my way at this point is me. And from this day forward, I am going to write my way into the future that I have dreamed of my entire life.
And I’m going to do it right here on this blog.
You may find me floating around on social media, posting many cool and seemingly odd things, but I refuse to stop writing. Thank you for viewing, and please do share any parts of this blog or any of my social media posts with whomever you desire.
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