Uncategorized - Jusjess Poetry: Poetry & Utterances of Written Art

Sometimes I feel that people choose not to heal because they reach a point where they see no purpose in doing so . Although being trauma bound and stuck in victim mentality can be tricky to escape from, it is more difficult to consistently step out of it.

Personal Reflection:

Starting a healing journey will not lead to the arrest of your childhood abusers. It does not make toxic people in your life see the light. It does not guarantee any apologies. It does not make family look back and go, “Hmm. That’s why he or she is that way.”

Unless you’re a notable member of society with high status and a wonderful reputation or a ton of money, many people of society don’t care what happened to you. Many people do care, but it’s quite often not the people you’d like to care most. And there are times when those we want to care actually do care, but they may feel powerless as to how to address the taboo topic. They also may be simply trying to keep themselves balanced and may not have the capacity.

My point:

And that’s okay. That’s why we create safe places for ourselves. I have been in therapy for over 10 years. And while I often long to shout things from mountaintops in hopes that my recurring nightmares dissipate, I would much rather be driven by the dreams that I enjoy. The dreams that are leading me to my destiny. My soul’s purpose. Besides, I have a fear of heights.

Some secrets pass away with us. And while I was so close to something by sharing my own secrets, I now realize that I don’t have to. I just needed to forgive myself for my own role in my suffering. And let go.

I got to this point of acceptance: that even though my feelings are valid, it holds no true value to my growth to make a long list of who done what when and why, nor is it acceptable to use that list as an excuse for all the wrong that I have done to others and myself.

The only thing standing in my way at this point is me. And from this day forward, I am going to write my way into the future that I have dreamed of my entire life.

And I’m going to do it right here on this blog.

You may find me floating around on social media, posting many cool and seemingly odd things, but I refuse to stop writing. Thank you for viewing, and please do share any parts of this blog or any of my social media posts with whomever you desire.

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They say that healing often comes with the desire to be validated for personal progress and that it is one big slippery slope that requires mindfulness. But who has time to sit with self, to look within self? Who really sits still in present moments? From what I often see, everyone is in a mad dash. In the grocery stores people are huffing and puffing because a mom has a toddler and the need to multitask and while she may have not needed to go into the self checkout line, she has a right to move at a pace that works for her. Right? The freeways are like racetracks now, everyone doing the most at the highest speed possible just to get right in front of you. We all want to get somewhere fast, it seems.

Oh and by the way, I have yet to “master” mindfulness meditation and the goals of that technique. I am simply trying to beat writer’s block and a memory block and emotional breakdowns while trying to get my monthly budget together and keep track of my big, detailed, color-coded wall calendar in the hallway.

So needless to say, in such a fast paced world, seeing a woman laying on her patio gazing up at the sky or listening to music while jotting down random thoughts… that’s odd, right? And how dare she blow bubbles with her little toddler and do silly dances because she can care less who’s watching!

Healing is hard. I have never set out on a more daunting, confusing, uncomfortable journey, and it seems endless. But now that I am at this current stage (don’t ask me to name the stage or the percentage of healing that I have completed), it is impossible to go backwards. I mean, it’s pretty damn dumb, too.

My lens seems more focused now, but I find that I have added curiosity about the world and its many opportunities that require me to be fully present. Not the risky kind of curiosity that led me nowhere fast but the kind that intrigues my humanitarian nature. When that nature lacks focus or boundaries, it leads to chaos. But when it is centered and focused, well… hot damn.

(To be continued)

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Part 2 – Do You Have the Time? I’m late, but I’m here. (Writing my way into my destiny)

Do You Have the Time? I’m late. But I’m here. (1)

Welcome