“Individuals on the journey eventually find themselves experiencing a baptism by fire. It’s that moment when they are just about to lose their lives and they miraculously, courageously find the answer that gives their life meaning. And that meaning, that answer, saves them.”
– Viola Davis
In chapter one of “Finding Me,” Viola Davis speaks on her purpose. And how much bigger her purpose is than what she thought it was during her childhood. Letting go of expectations of society and removing self in order to tune into the purpose that God placed on her life. Remarkable! For even in our faults our journeys can inspire others.
For even in our faults,
We can inspire others!
We? Can inspire others? Our purpose is bigger than us. Our purpose is bigger than US?
Yes! Years of therapy, years of not really knowing myself, years of not LOVING me, but ME?
I- I can?
I can. And I will.
But letting go of that fear, SHIT! How?
All I ever wanted to do was write. I longed to highlight the keys to the very things I did not feel inside. I wanted to help people, interview homeless people, feed them, help them with housing. I dreamed of writing for the Winston-Salem Journal. I dreamed of making a difference, not so much Captain Planet style, but more like Robin Hood and like saving abused and sad orphans like Annie, as my very childlike perceptions of those stories on the TV fed the humanitarian in me. In between breaks of the fantasy world of Disney movies, I nurtured the side of me that wanted to make a positive impact on the world around me. I wanted to help troubled youth and struggling families for I knew a lot about what they were feeling inside. I knew the impact of the cries a mother makes at night when she thinks her kids are asleep, as she is tired, overworked and underpaid but has no time to focus on her problems because she’s taking care of her kids on her own.
I look around and I see the busy hustle and bustle of the daily chase and rush to – I don’t know where everyone is in such a rush to go. Or to be. But yes, I was in that rush. Internally.
I wanted to help people. I wouldn’t know until my mid-thirties that I needed to have first helped myself so that my voice could be more effective. I think that the initial fueling of the flame helped to continue reminding me of my potential, for I admittedly became lost in my own troubles and sorrows and “woe is me” modes. No matter how deep I submerged myself, no matter how many times I attempted to drown, that darn fire kept igniting and alerting my subconscious, my spirit, my heart.
And today I can firmly state:
There is no more fighting my purpose.
Over time these sparks of ideas, goals, callings. They wouldn’t freaking stop!
No matter how perceived, I must continue to follow what I am destined to do. It is bigger than me. And always has been. Cliché but illumination in a realm of darkness is hard to ignore. And a pursuit of normalcy is still a bore, anyway.