Jusjess Poetry

I brought with me desperation

And false hope that I would be filled by

What you pretended to have.

And be.

Both of us, selfish and unwell.

I carried with me regret and shame 

And the lack of awareness that I 

Sought validation.

Unhappy displeased with me

But found much pleasure in you.

At first.

And then that thing happened

That I wasn’t expecting.

Falling in love for me means many things

But falling in love as the wounded me

Was a guaranteed path 

Towards neglecting me.

Neglecting me more 

And opening doors

Rather than considering boundaries.

You don’t believe in boundaries.

Especially from a woman.

Who was I but a stray at that time

In that moment

But then that thing, it happened again

And all of a sudden I began to care 

About each and every other thing

Said and done 

That didn’t quite match 

Things said and done 

The week before 

The day before 

The hour before 

In those public places those times.

Those moments.

Another series of contradictions.

How could I have expected what I couldn’t have cared to see

Before just doing those things 

I thought would fulfill a younger me

She – 

Held onto the memory of that moment 

From decades ago

And you picked at that scab

Until I bled out vulnerability.

In this moment I remind myself that you were just a moment,

A series of lessons

That I never wanted to learn. Truths that I didn’t want to face.

I traced and I paced 

And I now see that my life 

And the saving of it

Required a spiritual awakening. 

Moments that I release and will no longer carry with me.

Jusjess Poetry – Writing My Way Into My Destiny

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