I’m not referring to the type of still that indicates a period of rest, kind of like the one my last post just hinted at me needing. I’m talking about when self doubt creeps up and taps you on the shoulder. When that buddy, Imposter Syndrome, knocks on the door to check in on you. Not in the promising way.
Recently, I posted this onto Instagram and Threads and I stand by it:
Okay so here’s the picture that went with it:
All good things. Cute pic, sure. Okay, yes I felt beautiful on this day.
Opposite Option – As I Really Wanted to “Sink”
I share all this to say that I have been handling a multitude of tasks, and when I have my mind set on a goal I must do it. I already know what many may think when I say that I “have to” do what I set my mind to do.
And that is why I am learning patience. And also why I recently posted this video (it has a meditative sound):
So just now after almost sinking into feeling defeated, I got up and started moving around. I started with a couple happy phone calls, and then after playing with my daughter I cleaned up my apartment. Cleaning my spaces is always a good tool for me. It not only looks and feels nice, but it helps me to appreciate my apartment (I’m pretty proud of it – it’s pricey but what rental property isn’t nowadays?).
Being active and moving around in my home (because it was 94 degrees so my toddler and I didn’t go walking) helped me to tap into myself and see that:
- I feel embarrassed when I launch something amazing on my blog but then realize that I failed to troubleshoot something so simple that could have been a promising addition.
- I have spent the last two weeks crossing off many to-do lists for work opportunities (which I secured), and so like… maybe I’m just a little tired!?
But also… sharing pretty deep things does take its toll.
I made this “film” while standing in line at the social security office this morning. I think I’ll need to dive deeper into its meaning as I brushed it off as comic relief but this little one minute film has so much meaning that I’ll tap into later. It has sound, too!
Thank you for reading this post. As always, please feel free to comment or share anything on my blog that resonates.
Jusjess Poetry – Writing My Way Into My Destiny
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