And the things that we do to ourselves.
If I be a nomad then each year has been a season and I am yearning to roam.
If I be but a drifter then what is the point of an endless search for a place called home?
Am I a gypsy?
For surely I am bound
To my emotions that keep me wound
Lose cannon.
I am not a ticking time bomb
But I teeter when ignoring my intuition
Leaves me feeling worthless.
Don’t take away my ability to think
Don’t rob me of a choice.
I spent decades learning how to find my voice
So damn right my fuse is lit.
But know that it isn’t all you.
This is a frequent thing that I do
I do it to myself
But my intentions are always good.
Wait… are they?
If I know that no good deed
Will satisfy me
Then are my intentions really that pure?
Maybe I have to learn more of this therapy stuff
So that I can stop feeling so insecure
And unsure
Of myself and those around me.
Am I a gypsy?
Or do I just have BPD?
I have often enjoyed using terms such as ‘nomad’ and ‘gypsy’ as an addition to my quirky characteristics. These terms have often been used in a negative light, but that has never been my angle.
Spit it out, Jess. What’s the point of this gypsy nonsense?
Right. I have to keep working hard not to sabotage my growth while remembering that my current stressors, feelings, or even my hormonal issues are not anyone else’s responsibility. It’s nobody’s fault that I am panicking about personal matters and accountability helps me to not shut down or react in an emotional way that is damaging to others. I have a purpose, and when it comes to mental health awareness I have to do my part in ending stigma.
I am a work in progress. I have to practice more mindfulness as the circumstances that led to me posting the poem below onto social media had me overwhelmed. I own my truth, and this BPD/ADHD thing has been intense to navigate (oh, and the GAD and PTSD!) But that is another reason why I put my all into this blog.
Now that this poem is here in my safe place, I can go run and delete if off one social media platform in particular. Today I hold myself accountable for adding to my stress by taking on more than I have the capacity to. I thank God for growth, and I still see many things that I must let go of.
This may be another perfect moment to take a social media break, mainly the platforms that are not beneficial to me during moments like today. The last time that I unplugged I wrote a pretty comical poem about it. Read it below!
Jusjess Poetry – Writing My Way Into My Destiny
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