Lately I’ve been able to see gleaming beams of my progress, and boy do I love the sun. 

Lately I’ve had to look inward more. 

Lately I’ve been feeling guilty for putting my needs first as it is something that I am late to reiterate. 

I can’t live in a state of constant tug of war,

I mean come on Jess, you’ve been there before –

In fact it tries to run how you function,

or lack thereof. 

Guilt, Jess?

Maybe the guilt also comes from what I wanted during times of denial

all the while 

knowing deep down the difference between what I envisioned 

and what was clear and distinct in my vision.

And in my heart. 

And in my spirit. 

And in my soul. 

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Denial is a tricky little goon,

Equipped with a spoon-ful

of sugar to help me not taste its bullsh*t,

but the heart won’t beat 

when you’re brain dead. 

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Coping Through Feelings of Emptiness

Lately I’ve allowed myself to forget that 

from time to time that void will resurface,

it is just something I’ve had to learn how to ride

like a wave,

much better than a ton of other tidal 

waves that tried to consume me.

I am well.

I am doing well,

but there are things that will come and go 

Like:

• people,
• places,
• things,
• and the ideas that I had in each failed “situationship” – because I just KNEW each relationship was THE relationship…. Until it wasn’t. 

Lately I’ve considered sabotaging my growth

that oath,

but no way. 

No way. 

That has gotten me nowhere.

My Healing is Personal, Just not in the Way That Many May Think

Lately I’ve been feeling the subtle stings 

that come from speaking my truth.

But I know a state of existing 

that is far worse. 

And I will keep going.

Some of us made a few critical mistakes 

and it’s okay to own them

and get things right for our children. 

Lately I’ve been thinking 

about how my growth may seem 

like a personal attack to others

but it’s not. 

This growth, this journey, 

it is a personal one. 

for me. 

Anyone offended just happens to 

be a puzzle piece of a time 

or a place 

or a thing 

that maybe I just no longer am. 

Lately I’ve had to heighten my senses,

tapping into emotions,

and learning to regulate them

hasn’t been fun.

It is work 

It is hard work.

It’s freaking hard work.

Lately I have been craving fun

and acceptance.

But if I can simply learn 

to discern the 

• what,
• where,
• who,
• when,
• and why

Then maybe I can find that thing called balance. 

Lately I’ve been feeling alone because I learned how to place 

healthy boundaries 

but I only question myself when it seems 

off putting to anyone I once put on 

a superficial pedestal.

Lately I’ve had to do a lot of 

self investment,

and a ton of checking myself 

to stay in check.

Lately I love my reflection. 

Lately I’ve spiraled a lot less from 

fear of rejection.

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Jusjess Poetry – Writing My Way Into My Destiny

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Let’s Connect!

Email me: speak2jess@jusjesspoetry.org

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