Jusjess Poetry – Writing My Way Into My Destiny
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A reflection as I release overexerting.
I am a poet and a creative nonfiction writer. I have several goals that I am working to reach, but I now recognize ways that my efforts to do so have become more of a hindrance. I release overexerting my goals and forcing them into the faces of anyone who doesn’t believe what I see in my dreams as destined for me. Now, that is what I should have said in my poem “Insanity Get Away From Me!”
What’s that poem you wrote, Jess?
Yesterday, I wrote a cute little poem about insanity, but as much as anyone writes helpful reminders to self, how often do I actually follow through?
So yes:
- I quite often still act out of ego and pride. I am a never ending work in progress, but I am happy with where I am today.
- I often fantasize about landing a huge publishing deal that would sky rocket my writing out into the universe (less fantasizing about being: Evie Shockley, Maya Angelou, Alice Walker but still working towards standing out, nonetheless).
- I still find myself doing that anxiety ridden dance longing for: love, acceptance, approval, and validation (I don’t know what to say about this part just yet as DBT therapy has been helpful when it comes to interpersonal relationships and building skills that aid my diagnoses).
It has taken a lot for me to value who I am, and stepping foot in any place where that is not reiterated (no, not the ego stroking and enabling reiteration), is detrimental to my progress. Yesterday I had a few conversations with a friend about this familiar dance, and I offered her advice that I really would have needed not too long ago. If I had “me” years ago in that way, in that genuine and nonjudgmental mode to listen and communicate in the way that helps the messages be processed most effectively, well… no need to fall down that rabbit hole, but you get it.
Oh, here’s that poem, by the way:
My blog is a public proclamation of my healing. Of all the things I could be ashamed of or all these opportunities to sink into gloom through comparison, I can’t allow either. Each time that I try to make my blog anything other than what it is and what it is meant to be, I sink and take a few steps back in my healing journey. I woke up this morning and I added to my Gratitude for Life page. I have to make a daily conscious effort to keep myself balanced.
Yesterday, I had so much fun with my kids at this huge park. Amazing how the most fun day we had so far this summer was a day of free activities! And we have done quite a few things.
Thank you for reading this reflection. Healing is not fun. Healing is not glamorous. But for me, healing is the only way.
Jusjess Poetry – Writing My Way Into My Destiny
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