But what did you learn?
Jusjess Poetry – Writing My Way Into My Destiny
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Before you read this post, I want to say that I am grateful for hard lessons that helped me grow. I am grateful for the things that I have gained and the things that I have lost as I continue to reach my full potential.
Gratitude to three amazing veterans resources: the Women Veterans Support Services, Inc, the Joel Fund, and US Veterans Corps! They did wonderful things for my children and I (and even the dog) during a few difficult transitions. I will embed links to their organization pages at the end of this post.
Alright, so what did you learn?
- I learned that people are not obligated to support your next fight or flight situationship, especially if they predicted that it would not last long.
- I learned that sometimes you’ll really need help and there may be no one available for you. It’s likely that some who do “look out” will hold it over your head or feel empowered to put you down. There are just a couple people who will show compassion to their capacity.
- I learned that there will be many moments when the only thing you can do is sit and write a letter to God.
- I learned that God is always with me.
- There are a lot of good human beings in various circumstances that live in hotels. Families, elderly, disabled people. Kind hearted humans.
- When your social and communication skills lack, the people you try to open up to may not understand what you’re saying.
- Those people, whether they are family members, friends, or those you interact with on social media, are not obligated to care. After moments of blaming anyone and everyone else for how things ended up, what became necessary was a deep look within self. I contributed to my own chaos and self depletion. Poor dating choices do not mean that someone is deserving of abuse. What I am referring to is more so the patterns that I now see in my dating history.
- Tomorrow isn’t promised. I lost 3 family members and 1 friend, my sleeping beauty, while trying to focus on helping a narcissist grow as a person. I was supposed to be back in North Carolina to reconnect with family members, but I became increasingly detached. Each loss came with little notes of dismissal in the explosive environment that was my temporary home. I am still learning how to grieve.
- No one comes to your rescue when your past is sketchy and you’ve gone and trusted another manipulative person. Sometimes people tie their hands of your turmoil. And that is okay.
- People have their own concepts of abuse. No one has to believe you when you tell them that you’re in an abusive relationship or unhealthy situation that you don’t know how to leave. It is more important to focus on the people, or organizations that do believe you and hear you. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, sexual, and financial.
- I connected my last explosive relationship to my childhood events that were out of my control. I became enraged with relatives who knew nothing and those who knew plenty. I also learned that I was angry with myself.
- Speaking out against almost anything has its own world of consequences. But the long term reward is all that I care about.
A Hiatus and Self Care Steps
On my blog I have shared a lot, and I am grateful for the power in vulnerability. The peak of inner peace gets further away each time that I comply with secrecy and base my personal growth on how my writing about my life is perceived. I regularly take a hiatus from people, places, and things. Especially as I work on a series of projects. This next one incudes the following poems and reflections from my blog: “My Lips are Sealed,” “Closed Mouths Don’t Get Fed,” and “Stranger Danger in Autumn – Forgiveness.” Needless to say, these posts are intense.
*TRIGGER WARNING*
Staying silent when it comes to these topics reiterates stigma and victim blaming. We Shame, no matter where the root of it lies, will not help future generations thrive. How would little Jessica feel? But I admit that I now see that added layers of mindfulness are also important as I share certain things along my journey. Awareness is needed. So is compassion.
This healing stuff is ugly, but I see how it’s freeing. That’s my only focus for now.
My Lips are Sealed
Closed Mouths Don’t Get Fed
When I read or write triggering content, I must follow it with a self care activity. Please remember that self care is essential. My blog posts are deep. Sometimes taking a break from reading my intense reflections is helpful. You can always come back to read my work.
Stranger Danger in Autumn – Forgiveness
Thank you for reading this post.
Jusjess Poetry – Writing My Way Into My Destiny
Thank you for viewing! Don’t forget to subscribe, let’s connect and interact!
The Organizations that Assisted Me
Women Veterans Support Services, Inc (WVSS)
https://wvssinc.wildapricot.org/
The Joel Fund (https://www.thejoelfund.org)
US Veterans Corps
In all things, I maintain gratitude.
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