Poems to Self: Responses to Solitude & Lesson from Karma
“The best thinking has been done in solitude.”– Thomas A. Edison
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.”– Maya Angelou
I self-published “Solitude” in 2012 as part of a project entitled, Contemplation of My Reflection. I was living in Virginia and had been working as an office manager for a government contracting company for almost one year. My first hire straight out of the Navy. This job, like the military, filled me with a sense of importance. I felt that I was of value to this company who had just hired a 23 year old black woman to set up their east coast office. The CEO of this company had to be the most humble rich person I had ever met. Well, I had never met a rich person per say, but I expected an ounce of snobbery.
He had even taken the time out of running global operations to have conversations with little ole me. As you can see in this writing from 2012, the heaviness of my heart was starting to leak through my potential to flourish. I had a weight that I was still carrying around with me.
To the 2012 Voice of Solitude
Well you have a point there,
Such conviction you speak with.
You reek of pain.
While it still holds true that much of society
Thrives from looking down on others,
I must say
That allowing your mind to be locked away
Due to immense concern of how others view you,
My Dear, it will stand in your way.
Fear alone will have you stagnant.
You struggle with your self image
Trying to decide which parts of yourself to show
And which parts to hide.
You cannot keep searching for a safe place
Because your safe place is inside
Of you. No need to shatter
Your ambitious and frowned upon dreams,
The dreams you keep having for a reason.
One thing: from 2012 to 2023
You continue to acknowledge that God is with you.
God has always been with you. With me.
And while you ran from the dark for decades,
Even as a child,
It’s the dark
That reveals the spark
That you need
To no longer question your reflection in 2023.
Lesson From Karma
“Lesson from Karma” was included in my 2022 self-published project The Girl is Awake.
This piece was intense. I said it before and I’ll say it again: after a stretch of chaos and unhealthy relationships, what becomes needed is a deep look within self.
This poem is so fresh, and it still holds powerful notes that are relevant to me even right now.
Karma Taught Me a Lot About Being Toxic
It’s the poison that seeps through your eyes,
Imprints of the chronic
Need to feed that ego.
It’s the acid that deteriorates,
The poison that controls
The need to be in control
It intoxicates abilities to communicate
And presents apathy.
Lovers were toxic
You can be toxic even as an enabler
Which I honestly didn’t know initially.
Enabling poor decision making
Enabling the passing down of trauma
To future generations.
Insincere apologies: toxic
Toxic are hidden agendas behind words
Toxic are you
Was I toxic? Sticking around
When there was no action
To improve a thing.
Enabling a possessive and gratifying spirit.
Lust is toxic
Lingering around those
Who meant not an ounce of good to me.
I choose to be positive,
I’m unavailable for heavy dumps of rants today.
I don’t have the capacity
Keep the malignant jinx away from me.
I learned my lesson
My lesson from karma
I sat alone with myself
I can face my ways.
Maybe one day you can do the same.
Speaking life into myself,
I speak life into my kids.
I speak life,
Writing aimlessly –
I write to keep my life bright.
Than you for reading. I do have a relevant post to include here: