Why even dwell on the subject of love being toxic?
Let’s keep it real about toxic love because even as we are healing it is easy for it to become a danced around topic. Odds are that most of us have run into toxicity at some point in our lives. Unless you are a love guru or relationship expert, I bet you’ve had a taste of toxic love or known a couple who carried that label throughout their relationship, especially in this world of social media.
I’m Jess. I started my blog, Jusjess Poetry during a really intense transition. After blaming everyone in the world for ending up in toxic love scenarios, I had to take time to look withing myself.
I write a lot of poetry and its been healing for me. This poem is dedicated to those all too familiar feelings that arise in a “situationship.” A situationship is… well it’s your situation that began as a relationship of some sort. There are many interpretations for the trending term situationship. When dating someone and you realize that you’ve reiterated a pattern. I think that’s when intuition begs to serve a purpose. Alas, we are human, and we often enjoy painting red flags white for love. White flags of surrender.
This sh*t feels like deja vu.
Have I been here before? Wait.
(Reflections while editing some of my poems.)
A poem that might accurately depict my toxic love situations and how they made me interanlly conflicted:
Childlike views of the world
Survival mode reflexes
Hope in humanity
Stay with me
Pray with me
Hurt me again.
Different physical body,
Here we go
Reflecting on my journey, I take in all lessons with gratitude. It’s not fun taking accountability for our own roles in our suffering and really processing our toxic patterns.
Empathy Was My Excuse to be Toxic
This is true for me because I didn’t understand the different ways that a person can be toxic. Even though it’s no excuse, I honestly thought that being toxic was:
- being selfish
- getting over on other people
I guess that list is vague but so was my understanding of what classifies as being a toxic person.
Now I see that these are also toxic behaviors (as they pertain to me):
- projecting my expectations onto others because I see potential in them.
- depleting myself and sacrificing my wellbeing for the chances of love.
- putting my kids into new environments and new situations that they never had to enter, especially because my track record of dating was sketchy!
- giving and giving and giving with the expectations of getting back what I gave out (spiritually, financially, emotionally, and even down to my time and energy).
This is Love
I talk a lot about my struggles with love and interpersonal relationships. I think that it’s always important to highlight well rounded perspectives of healing journeys. I wrote and would like to share a love poem.
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I am preparing my next poetry collection for self-publishing. Writing has and always will be my life’s purpose and passion. Do head over to check out my latest collection that I self-published in 2022. I am beyond excited to release my next project, and I can’t wait to display leaps of growth. Thank you for viewing.