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Taking a Reflective Look at the Tests that Life Brings

This villanelle was written during a trying time. I had just gotten into an apartment with my oldest son, my baby girl, and our chihuahua after leaving an unhealthy relationship. It was the last experience that I needed to wake me up and make me want to work harder to do better. As if the patterns that I had just repeated weren’t enough, Jessica was now playing house and trying to help another abuser grow. It was a tough experience, but it speaks volumes to my needs to forgive and to continue redefining my concepts of love.

Learning from traumatic experiences, especially the ones that I placed into my life, has increased my gratitude. I am grateful for the hotel stays that were funded and for every veterans and domestic violence resource that helped me to transition. I moved into a rental. Just like the hotels, I made it homey. Many things went wrong while living there (with the property conditions and the manners in which management operated). I had to maintain gratitude and continue to take in all lessons that were being given to me.

My children and I have since moved back into a community that I loved since moving back to North Carolina in 2021. My children and I are happy and healthy. And safe. I still take in troubling times with a perspective of gratitude.

gray house with fireplace surrounded by grass under white and gray cloudy sky
Photo by Sebastian Sørensen on Pexels.com

The Apartment Living Experience that Increased my Gratitude

This villanelle was written as a way to keep myself reminded that hard times don’t last always. The building had some pretty horrible leakage for a span of days, as seen in the photo at the end of the poem. I passed that test I must say, because I had almost considered returning to the home that I shared with my ex!

*Trigger warning

Life Ain’t as Sweet as This Villanelle

Looking back at the stuff I bought

Some things with purpose some things just for fun

Life ain’t as sweet as little me thought

Silly, sassy, stubborn but I took in school lessons taught 

Accomplishments made me feel like someone

Notoriety and applause stopped, leaving me distraught

I am not the shape shifting unpredictable fighter like they thought

Lonely lanes of life forcing me to undo bad things done

It was much easier being a f**k up, no purpose, sitting to rot

But I didn’t want permanent psych ward living or three hots and a cot

Pointing the blame everywhere else forgetting that I am the one

Who chooses my avenue, professor or harlot

The spectrum is broad no need to lay out a plot

I’ve made peace and happiness has begun 

Cuz even in solitude I reflect “what is it that I sought?”

Girl, you better get it together wipe those tears and snot

How dare you wanna stare down the barrel of a gun?

We all have purpose amidst plight moments, at least you’ve grown to let your spirals be caught

Okay, I’ll stop trippin just cuz life ain’t as sweet as little me thought.

These and many other trying moments led to a rebirth of perspective and a closer relationship with God. And a newfound love for myself. I love the thought of being able to take in lessons that can aid my children when/if they found themselves in certain situations

Intimate partner violence (domestic violence) does not solely consist of physical violence. It also consists of emotional and financial circumstances.

She Didn’t Want to be Treated Like Mama

Read this poem in a new tab: https://jusjesspoetry.org/2023/06/10/she-didnt-want-to-be-treated-like-mama/

Seeds of Nirvana – Marvelous Life

Read poem in a new tab: https://jusjesspoetry.org/2023/06/23/nirvana/

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One response to “Life ain’t as sweet as this villanelle”

Share your thoughts. Don't be shy! But be do be Kind!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

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