Jusjess Poetry

Reflection 2 – A Poem

I am somewhere between certain and unsure 

That you almost always don’t mean what you say. Gaslight your mother. 

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My therapist says that it will make things worse for me if I continue to explode in text conversations –

Fucking stupid ex 

Lover of another 

But it’s my fault too – 

I wanted so much before I loved me or knew you..

She says to use STOP skills – pause before responding to triggering manipulation …

Knowing that I still have yet to fill out a few critical papers.

Gosh I hate this. 

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But I refuse to have my children spending years of their lives having to heal from my bullshit.

What we had was a part of my bullshit. 

I remember praying to God to place things on your heart

Not because I wanted us to make it –

That was a done deal.

It’s just that my kids your kids our kid 

All deserve parents who are healed.

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I mean it when I say that after a history of unhealthy relationships there comes a time to take a deep look within self. 

What made you – …

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I meant when I said that after a history of unhealthy relationships there comes a time to take a deep look within self.

I stood in the mirror,

I counted …

I stood there naked in the mirror, and I counted.

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END OF REFLECTION #2

Read REFLECTION #1 of this series here:

Empathy Was My Excuse to be Toxic

Thank you for viewing!

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