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Reflection 2 – A Poem

I am somewhere between certain and unsure 

That you almost always don’t mean what you say. Gaslight your mother. 

My therapist says that it will make things worse for me if I continue to explode in text conversations –

Fucking stupid ex 

Lover of another 

But it’s my fault too – 

I wanted so much before I loved me or knew you..

She says to use STOP skills – pause before responding to triggering manipulation …

Knowing that I still have yet to fill out a few critical papers.

Gosh I hate this. 

But I refuse to have my children spending years of their lives having to heal from my bullshit.

What we had was a part of my bullshit. 

I remember praying to God to place things on your heart

Not because I wanted us to make it –

That was a done deal.

It’s just that my kids your kids our kid 

All deserve parents who are healed.

I mean it when I say that after a history of unhealthy relationships there comes a time to take a deep look within self. 

What made you – …

I meant when I said that after a history of unhealthy relationships there comes a time to take a deep look within self.

I stood in the mirror,

I counted …

I stood there naked in the mirror, and I counted.


Read REFLECTION #1 of this series here:

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5 responses to “Empathy Was My Excuse to be Toxic”

  1. […] are Shit. This image link will take you to “Silly Rabbit, Your Boundaries are Shit.” Empathy Was My Excuse to be Toxic Read my a clever poem as part of a series of reflections, “Empathy Was My Excuse to be […]

  2. […] Empathy Was My Excuse to be Toxic I didn’t hold back in this poem. Not too much, anyway. https://jusjesspoetry.org/2023/06/13/empathy-was-my-excuse-to-be-toxic-reflection-2-a-poem/ […]

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