I like walking in the woods. I like walking along trails. I like being near any body of water that I possibly can. I like exploring new places and taking spontaneous road trips. I like women. More than I like men.
Resiliency, spiritual journey, confusion, anger, and pain. 90% of it self inflicted. Finding self. Loving self? I’m almost there, but definitely more than I did this time last year. Or the year before that. Or the year before that.
Fun fact: it is not fun cutting off toxic people. Rejection sensitivity, chronic over thinking, and then seemingly searching for your place now that you are a “new you,” is intense.
Even more fucked up fact: sometimes birds of a feather do flock together. Sometimes you are the company you keep. And sometimes misery loves company. Cliche? Yeah. But true.
I was toxic as hell because I chose to only operate out of trauma. I was a manipulator. A liar. A drug user. A firecracker. A shape shifter. A mask wearer. Probably even a sex addict. I was lost. I was hurt. I was negative and very pessimistic about life in general.
My last relationship was no healthier than the one before that. And the one before that. And the one before that.
No more blame game truthfully I learned first hand the spectrum of cluster B personality disorders and how entangled they can become. Empath vs Narcissist, Borderline Personality Disorder vs Narcissist Personality Disorder. Male, female, non-binary, transgender. No matter who is who and who is “what,” it comes down to a choice of wanting better.
But in keeping up gratitude, I must be thankful for the lessons learned in every choice that I have made. The good ones. The horrible ones. The fun ones. The rewarding ones. The dumb ones. And the wonderful ones to come.
I made this cute little graphic after my appointment with an occupational therapist. Well to be honest, I made it while “attending” the 30 minute virtual appointment. I’m a work in progress.
Thank you for reading this reflection.
Leave a Reply