I get it .
You want to control
You want to stifle me but see-
From the time I was a child you, in various forms, tried to hold me mold me choke me
Silence what’s inside
The thing about resiliency..
I may have stumbled I may have fallen
Short of expectations
I might’ve wished that I had a level of deeper understanding
I might have been lost and not quite known myself
I might have slipped
I might have relapsed into the addictions
Of that stimulated mind
The narcotic type turmoil of the narc mind
The result of emotionally immature parents
Growing up in a family full of secrets
For even though he touched me still today I keep it
But you see.. the thing.. about… resiliency…
My mistakes did seem to follow me the form of patterns
To accept love in forms that I didn’t have to choose
When it’s easy to revert into a traumatic child like mind
When it is all too easy
To return to survival mode
And 16 years later will I make my three kids do the same?
All because I’m seeking a validation that can’t be claimed
From any source only that which is within?
I messed up again.. and again…
Seeing through a mentally stable and sober mind
Knowing that I am deserving
And only I continue to block my path to success
These words that beat as my heart pounds through my chest
See I am that spirit
I may get knocked down but I won’t stay down.
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